The great search

Rev. Valerie Robideaux

“He who loves his wife loves himself” Ephesians 5:28

It was not too long ago that I was clanging dishes around in my kitchen. No, I was not cooking in a hurry. I was not clumsy. I was an angry spouse. I was furious. I was tired, overworked, and cleaning the kitchen. This trifecta was a lethal combination and I was going to clean the kitchen loud enough to guilt my husband into finishing the job (out of his love for me) for this tired soul. As my loud, clanging cries for help in distress went unnoticed I began to tally the past five years of marriage. I quickly became the victim, always sacrificing myself for the good of the family. The resentment swelled within me until it the kitchen could not contain it any longer. Before I knew it, my passive-aggressive tirade left the kitchen and moved on to doors, laundry, and the vacuum. “See how much I do out of my love for him?”

Loving another person as oneself is incredibly difficult and requires an outpouring of grace and humility. We are selfish beings. We like to receive love, praise, and recognition. It is tempting to tally our “love” in our relationships, to keep a record of loving good works. When we tally our love, we can become resentful and operate as victimized martyrs.

“You complete me.” The famous line in the movie Jerry McGuire sums up a societal mindset when it comes to romance and the great search for a soul mate. Hearts everywhere melted at that declaration of a life fulfilled, a void satisfied by the perfect person.

Paul’s words concerning the relationship between spouses reminds us that the great search is not for that one perfect person who completes us. Rather, the great search is the love of God that inspires a love for self that enables a love for another. Intentional relationships that mirror the eternal love of Father, Son, and Spirit demands equity. It is not placing self-importance over another, and at the same time, it is not denying love of self for the good of another. In our relationships, we are not two halves making one whole. We are to love self as whole person. We are to love another as whole person.

Only when we find ourselves completed through God’s love are we able to fully love another. May we all be inspired to extend this gracious and redeeming love to one another…even in the kitchen.